My Grandfather passed away on Saturday, November 22nd. This hit me harder than I would have expected. However, there was no time to grieve, as my boss had set a very short deadline for a rather heavy project. In addition, this was the beginning of a holiday week (Thanksgiving). Needless to say, it was difficult, but I got the project finished. It took a lot of creative thinking, a few long days, and even a weekend day to complete.
This Morning (Monday, the 30th), I overslept by about an hour. I called my boss, and it was clear he was once again frustrated with the fact I was going to be late this morning. Being late has been an issue with me in the past, however, I think I had a reason for it this morning, given my past week.
At no time do I feel that he has offered any condolences, nor has he even suggested that I might take some time off. The employee does indicate that I may take one or two days off. He has not communicated the situation to others in the company. I would think that he might at least notify human resources of the situation. I am very angry at the callous attitude I feel from him.
I worked very hard to get the project done on time. It was not easy. There has not even been a thank you, or ‘job well done’ from him about it. I am sure from his perspective, I have simply done what I am required to do as part of my job, and that it requires no special recognition.
I should be used to the fact that no matter how hard I work, as long as things get done, I have simply done my job. However, if for some reason they do not get done, no matter what the reason, Then I am spoken to about how I could / should have done better.
I feel paralyzed right now. By body is shaking, and I am not sure why. Is it anger, caffeine, sadness, or some combination. I cannot think clearly, and I have absolutely no patience right now. I feel that I am on the verge of needing to throw things. I should check to see what the schedule at the gun range is right now. It may prove to be therapeutic.
Writing this is helping me. I feel a little better. I am still angry, and I still do not feel ready to handle my daily tasks. I am sure I will be chastised for that at some point. Writing this is not exactly part of my job, so I am wasting company resources in doing so. I normally would feel very guilty about that, but my (pain, anger, ??) is so strong that I NEED to write this right now.
I needed an advocate this last week. It is clear to me that my boss cannot / will not be that advocate.
– update
At this point, my boss, as well as his boss have been informed. I have also let HR know that I may need to use the help line to deal with the passing of my grandfather. No one has mentioned that I might take a day or two off. The Employee handbook does allow for that, but I am too angry right now to ask for it.